d
BON JOVI
RATING: 7
PLAY THESE: LIVIN' ON A PRAYER, WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE, NEVER SAY GOODBYE
SKIP THESE: YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME, SOCIAL DISEASE
Well, I promised to review a little bit 80's hair metal a while back, so I guess I'm finally following through this time (after months of procrastination)....As you will have already noticed, the first band on my 80's "to do" list is New Jersey's own poodle-haired sons Bon Jovi, second only to the UK's Def Leppard in terms of popularity (and lately, staying power). On the group's third album, 1986's Slippery When Wet, we see a band who has finally identified the wants and needs of its target audience (i.e. the lucrative white working class teenager and housewives segment). In that regard, singer Jon Bon Jovi has undoubtedly learned a lot from fellow Jersey rocker and "man of the streets" Bruce Springsteen, whose raspy bellow sounds quite similar to Jon's at times. Not only that, but Bon Jovi's everyman, down-on-my-luck lyrics are not a million miles removed from Bruce's own, although Jon's musings are certainly a dumbed-down, more optimistic version of Springsteen.. We get plenty of references to "hawking six strings," "rocking a million faces," as well as endless tributes to mundane subjects like "remembering the prom" and "making love in the backseat."
In other words, Slippery When Wet contains exactly the type of music that has the potential to sell millions of copies in the American heartland - which is exactly what Slippery When Wet did, selling in excess of ten millions copies. And you know what? After listening to this album twenty years on, one cannot help but come to the conclusion that the band deserved to be this huge. Sure, they'll never be a band anywhere near most people's "top twenty bands of all time" list, and their success was based as much on Jon's good looks as it was on the music (or perhaps more), but there is no point denying that Bon Jovi (and frequent collaborator Desmond Childe) have some very good pop songs. Take, for instance, 'Livin' On A Prayer,' which is probably the album's most popular song. The lyrics are a dumb-but-memorable ode to the New Jersey working man, but the chorus is unbelievably strong ("whoa/ we're half way there/ oh whoa!/ livin' on a prayer!"), and the dynamics are also great. The addition of the Richie Sambora's talk-box guitar effect gives the song a strong second hook, and the moody opening synth intro sets the stage for the song.
Another undeniably great song is 'Wanted Dead Of Alive," a melodramatic portrayal of rock star life on the road that compares the modern day rock star to the gun slingin' outlaw of the wild west. I absolutely love Sambora's acoustic twelve-string guitar riff at the beginning of the song - it's just about the only Bon Jovi tune I've ever bothered to learn on guitar. As for the rest of the songs, most of them follow the generic hair metal formula, although there is a basic honesty about this music that elevates Bon Jovi above the rank and file of the pop metal genre. Standout tracks like the power ballad 'Never Say Goodbye' or the dumb-as-hell, fist pounding arena rock of 'Let It Rock' are still quite enjoyable in small doses, and Sambora's guitar work is far less screechy than most other guitarists of the era. You'll rarely get the urge to listen to this album, but when you do you just might remember why you used to love this it so much way back when. Except for the painfully formulaic 'You Give Love A Bad Name,' that is. Now there's a Bon Jovi tune that hasn't aged very well....Bah.
RATING: 7
PLAY THESE: BAD MEDICINE, BORN TO BE MY BABY, LIVING IN SIN
SKIP THESE: STICK TO YOUR GUNS, 99 IN THE SHADE, LOVE FOR SALE
Attempting to out-Springsteen "The Boss" with its endless references to the the Garden State, New Jersey is the point where - for better and for worse - the band finally mastered its patented pop metal formula. Sure, it's blatantly manufactured commercial hard rock, with big shiny choruses, strategically placed pseudo-hooks, and "angry bumblebee" 80's guitar solos, but this is one of the few albums from its era and genre that has (almost) stood the test of time. Try as you might, you just can't deny that these guys have some good pop songs to their credit.
The first half of the album is quite good, boasting such classic '80's fare as the opening anthem 'Lay Your Hands On Me,' and the extremely catchy rocker 'Bad Medicine,' a song with one of those typically made-for-arena choruses that feature at least a couple dozen overdubbed "shouted" vocal tracks. The energetic pop hit 'Born To Be My Baby' is an enjoyable, synth-driven re-write of the band's first hit 'Runaway,' while 'Living In Sin' is probably the best ballad on the album, with a vaguely Latin feel and another one of those huge Bon Jovi choruses. Good vocals too. Unfortunately, the album really falls flat in the second half, and the band's lame attempts at blues-rock on filler tracks like 'Love For Sale' is most unwelcome.
Bon Jovi's limitations as a lyricist are also becoming more apparent, and his cheesy attempts at wooing the SUV-driving housewives of America can be downright pathetic at times. If you want proof just give the massive hit ballad 'I'll Be There For You,' which features lyrics so trite that even fellow 80's rocker and notorious cheesemeister Kip Winger wouldn't be caught dead singing them ("I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby/ I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out"). How can this guy sing this stuff with a straight face? It sounds like it was ghost-written by Oprah Winfrey, for Pete's sake! The cumulative effect of mindless, lowest-common-denominator clichés like "my broken heart lies bleeding," "when you get drunk I'll be the wine," or "drowning in my tears" is not hard to imagine - it can get downright tedious at times. Nevertheless, the album is an enjoyable, and if you're looking for some good, mindless fun, then there's much to recommend about New Jersey.
RATING: 5
PLAY THESE: KEEP THE FAITH, IN THESE ARMS , BED OF ROSES
SKIP THESE: I WANT YOU, IF I WAS YOUR MOTHER, BLAME IT ON THE LOVE OF ROCK 'N ROLL
I am now about to do something unforgivable - and no, I'm not about give out another rare 10+ rating. I am going to review Bon Jovi's "comeback" album Keep The Faith without listening to it first. Well, OK, OK, I have listened to it many (many!) times before, but not in the past ten years or so, possibly even longer. Unlike my other Bon Jovi CDs, which rest comfortably between Beck and Bowie on my living room CD rack, my copy of Keep The Faith languishes somewhere deep in the abyss that is my parent's storage room (a.k.a. "the crawlspace"). I'm not sure why I didn't take this CD with me when I moved out of my parent's house, but needless to say its loss has not been troubling me the past eleven years. Regardless, I know that I really shouldn't be reviewing this album without giving it at least a couple of spins again, but I'm going to go ahead anyway.
Luckily, most of these songs are good enough that I can still remember them, which is more than you can say about most post-Nevermind hair metal records. At least Bon Jovi tried to change their sound/image to stay relevant in then 90's, which is more than you can say about poodle-haired 80's bands like Poison, Ratt, and Warrant. The effort was there, even if the end product isn't that great. I mean, who cares if the hard rock/ dance hybrid 'Keep the Faith' sounds a lot like mid-80's INXS, or that the Über-ballad 'Bed Of Roses' sounds suspiciously like Phil Collins? The music is still catchy and fun, and there's some energy in most of these performances.
The album is also notable in that Jon has taken his Springsteen fascination to the extreme, recording a ten-minute (!) epic country-rock track 'Dry Country' that sounds like a reject from Nebraska. It isn't a complete disaster, but I've rarely seen a more obvious example of hero worship that this one - this song makes Oasis sound original in comparison, for Peter Pete's sake. The contrived, Paul Stanley-like attempts to generically "rock out" on songs like 'I'll Sleep When I'm Dead' and 'Blame It On The Love of Rock and Roll' are also a bit iffy, demonstrating that in spite of the cool shorter haircut, Jon Bon Jovi was still a bit out of sync with the times. 'If I Was Your Mother' is another poor track that takes liberties with the English language - and not just with the grammatically incorrect title, but also with the unintentionally (I hope) incestuous imagery ("If I was your mother/ could I maybe tuck you in/ and kiss you sweet goodnight"). Oh, and I suppose I should mention that the last thing the world needs is another ballad called 'I Want You,' but Jon gives us one anyway, and the song itself is every bit as interesting as its title (and by that I mean it isn't).
Luckily, there are some moments of if not greatness, then at least reasonable goodness on Keep The Faith. The power ballad 'In These Arms' is the album's best track, an inspired, unapologetic stab at mid-tempo arena rock, which is has unfairly been overshadowed by the massive MTV hit 'Bed Of Roses.'
All in all, this is definitely not an essential Bon Jovi record, but it does have its moments. Pick up the album's best tracks on the Crossroads compilation instead.
RATING: 8
PLAY THESE: BLAZE OF GLORY, ALWAYS, LIVIN' ON A PRAYER
SKIP THESE: PRAYER '94, IN AND OUT OF LOVE
A stellar compilation that culls material from the group's 1983-1994 heyday, Cross Road is probably the only essential Bon Jovi album. Most of the hits are present: the down-on-your-luck anthem 'Livin' On A Prayer,' the strident dance-rock combo 'Keep The Faith,' the manufactured arena rock of 'You Give Love A Bad Name,' etc, etc....Also worthwhile is the group's catchy synth-propelled rocker 'Runaway,' which was Bon Jovi's first stab at the charts back in 1983, and a damn fine way to launch a career. Even better is the shoot 'em up, cowboy-rock classic 'Blaze Of Glory,' which is technically a Jon Bon Jovi solo track but is nonetheless a welcome addition to the album. Gotta love that twangy acoustic guitar riff, and the killer slide guitar solo, which, incidentally, is played by none other than guitar god Jeff Beck!
The album is also notable for the inclusion of two new songs (the lighters aloft ballad 'Always,' and the jarringly peppy anti-suicide piece 'Someday I'll Be Saturday Night), both of which are among the group's best works. The only major misstep is the inclusion of a 1994 acoustic re-working of 'Livin' On A Prayer' ('Prayer '94'), which somehow manages to eradicate all of the original recording's best features (i.e. talk-box guitar, energetic performances, and impassioned vocals), while accentuating the song's major flaw (i.e. banal lyrics). What we have instead is a slow, draggy arrangement, sung one octave lower by Jon, in an apparent effort to emphasize the "seriousness" of the lyrics. It is, of course, complete and utter bullocks, so be forewarned. Luckily, the great original recording of 'Livin' On A Prayer' is also included, so all is not lost. Nevertheless, this album is for the most part very listenable from start to finish, and aptly summarizes what the band is/was all about.
RATING: 4
PLAY THESE: SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN
SKIP THESE: LIE TO ME, MY GUITAR LIES BLEEDING IN MY ARMS, SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN
The point where Bon Jovi finally turned into middle aged VH1 pansies, These Days is an embarrassment on many different levels. Buoyed by the success of the massive hit single 'Bed Of Roses' on the last album, Bon Jovi was apparently trying to make an album full of similar-sounding adult contemporary ballads, in a feeble attempt to survive in the post-Nirvana musical climate of the mid-90's. Sure, the strategy worked in the short term, but what a price! There are only THREE songs on this album aren't six minute-long ballads, and even those that aren't (with the exception of catchy, Indian-flavored 'Something For The Pain') are generic, lifeless classic rock tunes. It seems as the band is going for a gentler, more melancholy sound in order to better reflect the "seriousness" of Jon's lyrics, which quite frankly are among the clichéd I have ever heard. I swear, if I hear the guy sing about a "suitcase full of dreams" one more time, I'm going to lose it.
Jon even goes so far as to plagiarize himself on mock-angry rocker 'Hey God,' recycling the line "all the good shit's gone" from 'Someday I'll Be Saturday Night,' apparently without even realizing he has done so. I suppose that if you enjoy AOR ballads such as 'This Ain't A Love Song' or 'These Days' you'll probably get some enjoyment out of this album, but if you're a long-time Bon Jovi fan, you'll probably be put off by hookless, listless drivel like 'Lie To Me,' or the pathetic 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps' tribute 'My Guitar Lies Bleeding In My Arms,' which is just plain boring. This, my friends, is the point when Bon Jovi began to suck, and as such These Days is the last Bon Jovi album I ever plan to buy. Or review.