d
LED ZEPPELIN
RATING: 8
PLAY THESE: GOOD TIMES BAD TIMES, DAZED AND CONFUSED, YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME
SKIP THESE: BLACK MOUNTAIN SIDE, YOU SHOOK ME , HOW MANY MORE TIMES?
I'm going to start things off by coming clean and admitting something that will undoubtedly ruffle more than a few feathers: I hate Led Zeppelin. Why? It's mostly Robert Plant I suppose, but there are other reasons as well. Most obviously, their songwriting is pretty weak, as most Zep "songs" invariably consist of little except recycled generic blues riffs and a boring one-note melody screeched by the ridiculously operatic (and egotistical) Plant. The lyrics are almost always astonishingly bad, usually consisting of poorly written verses swiped from Lord of the Rings, or some other Tolkien novel. And in those rare instances when the group manages to come up with a decent melody or an actual 'song,' you can bet the farm that it's been stolen from someone else. And not just "modified,' mind you, but outright stolen - without giving credit where credit is due.
Nevertheless, Led Zeppelin does deserve at least some respect. They almost single-handedly revolutionized popular music, creating a new genre of music, heavy metal, that is still with us today (although in a mutated form). In addition, their musicianship was stellar, as each group member (apart from Plant) was a top-notch instrumentalist. Heck, even Robert Plant could actually sing once in a blue moon. Their distinctive brand of heavy psychedelic blues rock was a very compelling one - even when the songs themselves weren't anything particularly special. Also, a brief "nothing but Led Zeppelin" phase is a universally required developmental stage for white teenage boys (myself included), so I guess the band forms some sort of necessary function in life. Sadly, some people never move past this stage....
As for Led Zeppelin I, the group's debut album is probably their best effort. There's simply no use in denying its excellence. The music sounds fresh, and the pretentious character that so dominates their later work isn't quite as evident yet. It's perhaps not as stylistically varied as some of the albums that would follow, but the music is played with guts and conviction. Highlights include the Led Zeppelin concert centerpiece 'Dazed and Confused' with its signature descending riff and Page's violin bow guitar work, as well as 'Good Times, Bad Times' a simple three chord rocker with a really good groove. The stately 'Your Time Is Gonna Come' is also quite memorable, with its big chorus and swirling organ making it a true highlight.
On the down side, the longer blues-based numbers are a bit dull, especially 'I Can't Quit You, Baby,' and 'You Shook Me,' the latter of which has a particularly obnoxious Plant vocal performance. In addition, the boring instrumental 'Black Mountain Side' is one of Page's more blatant acts of thievery, a traditional English folk song that the guitarist claimed as his own - despite much evidence to the contrary. Other stolen musical ideas on this album? Well, for starters 'Communication Breakdown' rips off Eddie Cochrane's 'Nervous Breakdown' without flinching, while the aforementioned 'Dazed and Confused' is actually an old Yardbirds arrangement that Page had the gall to claim as his own (in spite of the fact it was a group collaboration). I'm sure that there are other examples of plagiarism on this record (I haven't even mentioned the blues tunes until now), but this is an important issue that need to be addressed. It's unbelievable that these guys got away with stealing other people's ideas on such a large scale.
RATING: 8
PLAY THESE: WHOLE LOTTA LOVE, WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE, THANK YOU
SKIP THESE: THE LEMON SONG, MOBY DICK, LIVIN' LOVIN' MAID
I've changed my mind - this second album is Led Zeppelin's best. While the the debut record boasts better production, the quality of the songwriting is superior on Led Zeppelin II. This album has been used as a sort of hard rock template throughout the ages - and it's not difficult to see why. Led Zeppelin II has more catchy, bone-crushing riffs than you can shake a stick at, most of the tracks are mostly catchy and direct, and Robert Plant has finally perfected his trademark helium-voiced squeal (never again would his voice have the sheer power that it has here). As previously mentioned, the production is terrible - the overall sound is muddy beyond belief - but it's hard to be too critical when the overall performances are this great.
So what is so darn good here? Well, it goes without saying that 'Whole Lotta Love' has one of the greatest riffs in rock history - the song is so powerful that not even Plant's self-indulgent, annoying squealing during freak-out section can't ruin the overall effect. 'What Is and What Should Never Be' is a slightly jazzy number with great dynamics, while 'Ramble On' is a folkish Tolkien rip-off with a huge heavy metal chorus that stands out of the pack. In addition, the power ballad 'Thank You' is also very good, with a an understated arrangement (nice organ too) and a really great Steve Marriot impersonation courtesy of Robert Plant.
And speaking of Marriot, has anyone out there ever heard the Small Faces' 1966 rendition of the old blues classic, 'You Need Love'? If so, you will have likely noticed the similarities between the song and the aforementioned 'Whole Lotta Love.' If you haven't heard it, do yourself a favor and check it out. It's truly unbelievable that Plant and Page would even attempt to pass this off 'Whole Lotta Love' as their own - it's so blatantly dishonest. Yes, Page's guitar riff is clearly superior than on the original, but Robert Plant lifts every nuance of Marriot's stellar vocal performance, and even steals a bunch of the lyrics (including the famous "you need cooling" line). Oh well, at least Zeppelin were forced to pay back royalties on some of the blues tunes they plagiarized: the annoying, obnoxious 'Lemon Song' lifts sections from both Howlin' Wolf's 'Killing Floor' and Robert Johnson's 'Travelin' Riverside Blues,' while 'Bring It On Home' is a rip-off of the the Willie Dixon composition by the same name. And while many of the plagiarized Zeppelin songs undeniably kick ass, there is an unpleasant undercurrent of deceit running through the entire Zeppelin back catalogue. After all, did Page and Plant really believe that people would think less of them if they had given other musicians the credit they deserved?
The other thing that really bugs me about this album is Page's lousy guitar solo between 'Heartbreaker' and 'Livin' Lovin' Maid.' It's sloppy in the extreme - the solo is obviously too fast for Page to pull it off properly, so why bother butchering it? In addition, I also hate Bonham's tour-de-farce solo spot 'Moby Dick.' Truth be told, overlong drum solos like these haven't aged any more gracefully than Robert Plant's ugly face, and nowhere is this truth more evident than on this track. In summary, this album rocks in parts, but as with all Zeppelin albums, beware of the dogs - no matter what blinkered Zeppelin fans will tell you.
RATING: 5
PLAY THESE: IMMIGRANT SONG, THAT'S THE WAY, TANGERINE
SKIP THESE: FRIENDS, OUT ON THE TILES, HATS OFF TO ROY HARPER
Jeez, is this album ever overrated. Led Zeppelin III sees the band switch gears and go for a traditional English/Eastern folk style - with severely mixed results. While the band must be respected for branching out and exploring new musical avenues, it is equally true that this is some of the worst folk music that you'll ever hear. Witness the lousy airy-fairy 'Friends,' which essentially proves that the forthcoming 'Battle of Evermore' was no accident - it truly stinks to high heaven. Robert Plant really starts to grate on this one, his ridiculous "baby, baby" routine and glass-shattering screeching is getting really old - and really, really fast. That style of heavy metal singing obviously doesn't suit traditional folk music, so why use it?
Equally bad is Page's erratic finger picking style, which is a far cry from his mastery of the electric guitar. As for the other folk tracks, 'Gallows Pole' is probably the best of the bunch (the subtle 'That's the Way' is also pretty good), but it too is spoiled by Plant's incessant vocal gyrations. And any redeeming qualities that the song possesses are definitely wiped out by 'Roy Harper,' which is basically an exact re-write of 'Gallows Pole' only a hundred times worse (in no small part due to yet another Robert Plant hatchet job).
Nevertheless, the band is a lot better on the hard rock songs, particularly the gloriously heavy 'Immigrant Song,' in which Plant's over-the-top screaming actually compliments the music. This excellent song is way too short, which actually adds to its appeal, and it's undoubtedly one of Led Zeppelin's finest moments (gotta love that riff!). 'Tangerine' is also great, a tuneful power ballad with actual singing courtesy of Plant, as well as some very tasteful slide guitar playing from Page. The lyrics are good for a change too. In addition, the band really cooks on the extended psychedelic blues number 'Since I've Been Loving You,' its swirling John Paul Jones organ and dramatic Page guitar solo really creating an amazing out-of-body atmosphere. The only major blunder among the electric tracks is 'Out On The Tiles,' which is a ridiculously blatant revamping of Zep's 'Good Times Bad Times.' Even Bonham's drum fills in the verses are same as on the original! In other words, it's pure filler, as is most of the album.
The final verdict? If you can listen to this patchy album all the way through in a single sitting you're either: (a) a very dedicated Zep fan, (b) very patient, or (c) deaf. In any case, it's probably one of the worst so-called "classic" rock albums in existence.
RATING: 7
PLAY THESE: BLACK DOG, ROCK AND ROLL, STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
SKIP THESE: BATTLE OF EVERMORE, GOING TO CALIFORNIA
Many regard this as Led Zeppelin's defining moment, and at first glance, this appears to be an accurate statement. Then again, there are really only four good songs on Led Zeppelin IV, so I guess you can come to your own conclusions on that one....
Nevertheless, it's pretty hard to knock an album that contains the ultimate rock epic of all time in 'Stairway to Heaven.' I'll spare you my analysis of this great medieval hymn, but suffice say it's the arrangement that truly makes this song great. To combine that many seemingly disparate musical ideas into a single song and still manage to have it all make perfect sense is a feat rarely achieved in any genre of music - let alone 70's heavy metal. The fact that it is plagiarized - yes, you heard it here, 'Stairway' is completely ripped off - diminishes its greatness a little bit, though. You see, in 1969 Led Zeppelin were an opening act for the forgotten American art rock group, Spirit, who had a song called 'Taurus.' Interestingly enough, the distinctive intro for 'Stairway to Heaven' appropriates the guitar motif for 'Taurus' almost note-for-note. If you don't believe me, download it on the P2P file sharing service of your choice and give it a listen. It's pretty unbelievable. Equally startling is the fact that the main chord sequence for 'Stairway' also rips off the Chocolate Watch Band's signature tune, 'And She's Lonely.' For those of you not acquainted with the group, the Chocolate Watch Band toured with the Jimmy Page-era Yardbirds in the late 1960's, and were considered by many to be a Yardbirds clone. Wouldn't that be interesting if 'Stairway to Heaven' is little more than a parody of a parody of the original Yardbirds? It's almost too good to be true, but it is. Check it out. And yet another one of rock's sacred cows is charbroiled....I love it.
As for the rest of Led Zeppelin IV, it's a pretty hit-and-miss affair. It does have its moments, though. Album opener 'Black Dog' is a fantastic rocker with another interesting riff, but what makes the track click is the complex counter beat laid down by drummer Bonham. The performance always seems to be a breath away from breaking down, but it somehow stays together, and it sounds great. Plant doesn't sound half bad either, as he finally finds an appropriate song for his trademark screaming. Another great moment is the three chord party tune 'Rock and Roll,' which steals the drum solo intro from Little Richard's 'Keep a Knockin' to great effect. The song is refreshing in its simplicity, and an undeniable classic. Also worth a mention is 'When the Levee Breaks,' with its characteristically thunderous drum track. Wow! This album is probably John Bonham's finest moment, and this song boasts an especially spectacular performance.
But it's not all sunshine and roses here. Led Zeppelin IV also contains the most overrated song in rock history, 'The Battle of Evermore,' an unbearably pretentious pile of steaming doggie doo that is for some reason still played on the radio. Those lyrics are TERRIBLE - nothing but mumbo jumbo Tolkien worship - and the song has no structure whatsoever. The melody and chord sequence goes absolutely nowhere. And as for Robert Plant, his miserable wailing on this medieval/Celtic travesty is totally uncalled for. I find it so strange that Led Zeppelin fanatics love this song, since it is so blatantly obvious that they would hurl obscenities at this type of music if it wasn't performed by their heroes. Also worth a derisive word or two is the folky 'Going to California,' which starts out pleasantly enough - just an acoustic guitar and a nice lilting melody - until Robert Plant opens up his big yap and starts screaming his head off. When my wife first heard this song on the radio she blurted out "what the eff is that?!!" and immediately turned the dial. There's really no argument with her assessment. And really, that's the whole problem with Led Zeppelin. They created some of the best rock music ever, but on average they kind of sucked.
RATING: 5
PLAY THESE: OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY
SKIP THESE: THE CRUNGE, D'YER MAK'ER, THE OCEAN
Casual Led Zeppelin fans interested in expanding their CD collection be warned - please approach Houses of the Holy with extreme caution (if at all). OK, OK, it's not terrible, but it's definitely not in the same league as its predecessors. No matter what Zep fans will tell you, there is only one essential song on this album ('Over the Hills and Far Away). Other than that, this album is awash in pretentious pseudo-art, replete with enough pompous references to Lord of the Rings and Ancient Viking voyages to keep your average middle school's Dungeons 'n Dragons club entertained for decades to come.
I tried to like this album. Truly I did. I know some people love the epic Norse tribute 'No Quarter,' and I honestly gave it a try, but it just doesn't do anything for me. The song has no structure, and it really, really drags. It's not particularly offensive, but it's BORING. Sections of the song have interesting musical ideas, and the band seems like they actually care for once, but overall it sounds like drugs have really started to take their toll. Ditto for the appropriately named 'The Song Remains the Same' (it does, doesn't it?), and 'The Ocean,' which are both quite dull, truth be told. I suppose 'The Rain Song,' has its moments, but again the song is too damn long, and the ill-suited string arrangement is also very distracting. In addition, this song makes it obvious that Robert Plant's voice is completely shot by now (how old is he, 23? 24?); he can't hit the high notes anymore, but he still insists on trying. The album also contains another major Zeppelin misfire, 'D'yer Mak'er,' a cod reggae track ruined by another obnoxious "baby, baby" vocal performance from Plant. His lyrics are absolute genius on this one, somehow managing to rhyme the words "mad" and "sad" in the same line. Brilliant! It's amazing that so many people would eat up a crappy throwaway song that was so obviously created in about ten minutes, but I guess that's the legacy of the band.
RATING: 6
PLAY THESE: HOUSES OF THE HOLY, KASHMIR, TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT
SKIP THESE: TEN YEARS GONE, THE WANTON SONG, BOOGIE WITH STU
Frequently held up as one of the greatest double albums of all time, Physical Graffiti is a sprawling, stylistically diverse record that fails to live up to the hype. That being said, it is certainly an improvement over the its lackluster predecessor, Houses Of the Holy, despite being very similar in sound and style. The double album format appears to be the main difference this time, allowing the band the necessary time and space to branch out in to different genres, such as funk, country, folk, blues, pop, Middle Eastern, and even 1950's rock 'n roll. Of course, it doesn't always work, but there are some nice surprises.
As for the highlights, the aggressive "Trampled Underfoot" successfully marries metal with funk, an experiment that failed miserably on Houses Of The Holy. Even more memorable is the Middle Eastern-tinged "Kashmir," which represents the band's last stab at greatness. Switching time signatures as often as JLo exchanges husbands, the power of this track lies in its powerful rhythm section, as drummer John Bonham rises to the challenge and delivers one of his greatest performances. "Houses of the Holy" (the song, not the album) also kicks ass, a tasty slice of pop metal pie that is one of the album's more commercial moments. There are some other decent songs on the album too, notably the workmanlike 'The Rover,' as well as 'In The Light,' which starts off like a typical self-indulgent Zeppelin "epic" snoozer but gradually evolves into a rather nice epic. Page's guitar solo really makes the track - it's restrained, and quite melodic.
The other epics, however, fail to impress. The overlong 'In My Time of Dying' is essentially rambling, unstructured blues, while the lengthy 'Ten Year's Gone' takes its pompous title a little bit too close to heart. Another major lowlight is 'The Wanton Song,' a stupid funk metal tribute to the popular Chinese soup with absolutely terrible vocals courtesy of Plant. As for the rest of the album, it's generally OK, but OK isn't anything close to great, as the album has so often been described in recent years. As a result, any person who would utter The White Album or London Calling in the same breath as Physical Graffiti definitely needs to get over his or her Zeppelin fixation.
RATING: 4
PLAY THESE: NOBODY'S FAULT BUT MINE, HOTS ON FOR NOWHERE
SKIP THESE: FOR YOUR LIFE, ROYAL ORLEANS, CANDY STORE ROCK
Another artistic reversion, Presence is an album so mediocre that even Zep fanatics rarely give it a spin. Overall, the album sounds kind of distracted. You can actually hear the drug addiction sap all of the life out the band, and it doesn't take a genius to see trouble on the horizon. Personally, I find it utterly astounding that the band would have the gall to release an album consisting of only 7 tracks, but maybe that's just me....
So here's the rundown. The albums kicks off with the epic 'Achilles Last Stand,' which sounds like an extended version of 'Immigrant Song' - only longer, and strung out on heroin. It's OK, but no classic. 'For Your Life' is generic Zeppelin, complete with off-kilter riffs and awkward time signature changes. Continuing the descent into mediocrity is 'Royal Orleans,' which is garbage funk metal, an embarrassment. The hard-rockin' 'Nobody's Fault But Mine' is much, much better, a quasi-Zeppelin classic with a cool riff and some more great drumming from Bonham. Unfortunately, this gem is proceeded by the frankly awful 'Candy Store Rock,' a stupid 50's-style rock number with a terrible Plant vocal performance. Zep do Elvis? No thanks, I'll pass. Thankfully 'Hots On For Nowhere' is much, much better, a catchy pop metal tune with an actual cool melody/hook. The "la la la yeah" bit is quite catchy, although it does sound a lot like the 80's funk-metal band Extreme (sorry, I just had to point that one out). The album ends on a high note with 'Tea For One' a slow burning blues number a la 'Since I've Been Loving You.' It's rather understated, and has a nice guitar solo from Page. The final verdict on Presence? Not as bad as everyone says it is, but not exactly good either. Four out of ten.
THE
SONG REMAINS THE SAME (1976)
RATING: 2
PLAY THESE: NONE
SKIP THESE: ALL OF 'EM.....
Yikes. This is atrocious. Bombastic, self-indulgent, and completely out of step with the times, The Song Remains The Same is the antithesis of good taste, and probably single-handedly instigated the punk revolution. The real mystery here is why Led Zeppelin - a great live band - would decide to make this collection of meandering performances their only live album. After all, who needs an uninspired 25-minute version of 'Dazed and Confused'? The answer, of course, is no-one, which is why this soundtrack is so reviled by so many people. To truly get a sense of how pompous these guys were at this point you must watch the accompanying movie, which is so laughably bad that you'll probably bust a gut laughing at Robert Plant's tight jeans. Even more hilarious is the boring concert footage interspersed with the "medieval" scene, where you get to see footage of the sword-carrying band riding their horses at their aristocratic English estates (at least that's what I remember of it). Admittedly, many of the songs are still good, but the overall performances are not, which is why this is the low point of the band's career. Dreadful.
IN
THROUGH THE OUT DOOR (1979)
RATING: 6
PLAY THESE: IN THE EVENING, FOOL IN THE RAIN, ALL OF MY LOVE
SKIP THESE: HOT DOG, CAROUSALAMBRA
Led Zeppelin's final album, In Through The Out Door was recorded in Abba's studio in Sweden. Good old Benny must have lent John Paul Jones his synthesizers, 'cause this album is absolutely chalk full of 'em - almost to the point where they overwhelm Page's guitar. Indeed, this album is a real departure for the band, hinting at what the band would've sounded like in the '80's had John Bonham not choked on his own vomit. As hard as it is for me to admit it, In Through The Out Door is actually pretty decent. Sure, it's a bit heavy on the synths, but overall it's a rather nice album with some rather nice tunes.
The album opens with 'In The Evening,' a catchy synth-driven tune that sounds a lot like Robert Plant's solo material. I can't understand a word Percy's saying, but the overall effect is pretty positive. The piano-driven filler track 'South Bound Saurez' follows, and is preceded by the Latin-flavored 'Fool In The Rain,' which in effect serves as Zeppelin's swansong. OK, it's no 'Stairway,' but it's a good catchy pop tune with a sublime melody. Things get a bit hairy with 'Hot Dog,' another three-chord Elvis pastiche that sounds like something the band absent mindedly recorded during a jam session. If there's one musical style Zeppelin shouldn't emulate, rockabilly would be it. Even worse is 'Carousalambra,' which definitely deserves to get thrown on the "what the hell is that" pile. And what's up with the cheesy synth? It's unbearably high in the mix, and it's not doing anything particularly interesting, so what's the point?
Things do get a bit better in the second half with 'All Of My Love,' a classic rock radio staple, although I'm not crazy about the cheesy synth sound in the solo section. If you're trying to use a trumpet sound, why not hire an actual trumpet player? You're Led Zeppelin, damn it! You can afford it! The album closes with the lackluster blues epic 'I'm Gonna Crawl.' If you haven't heard it before, just imagine 'Since I've Been Loving You' with a synth instead of an organ, and you'll get the idea. So in the end, the album is a respectable way to end the band's career. It doesn't match the grandeur of some of band's earlier work, but it's not an embarrassment either.
RATING: 2
PLAY THESE: NONE
SKIP THESE: HMMMM.....ALL
Jimmy Page obviously thought that Led Zeppelin needed to make one final sweeping statement, but it's patently obvious to all but the most loyal Zep fans that Coda does little to enhance the group's legacy. Comprised entirely of outtakes, Coda demonstrates once and for all that the band wasn't hoarding untold numbers of unreleased classics, as had been suggested by some wide-eyed Zepsters. Nothing - and I mean nothing - stands out as good here. Heck, most of the tunes aren't even mediocre. I suppose diehards will enjoy the band's trademark high-octane treatments of 'We're Gonna Groove' and 'Wearing and Tearing,' but they're actually pretty unremarkable as far as songs go. The rest of the album is downright bad. 'Poor Tom' is a crappy acoustic rocker that literally screams "outtake!!," while any song called "Walter's Walk' is just begging to be crappy. The worst of the bunch, however, is 'Darlene' an irritatingly generic three-chord blues rocker. Robert Plant's screechy "boogie woogie" scat shtick is unbearably bad on this one - the guy sounds like Barry Gibb with laryngitis. Overall, this album deserves the bargain bin treatment it's earned over the years. Please stay far, far away.