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PAUL STANLEY
PEOPLE,
LET ME GET THIS OFF MY CHEST: THE VERY BEST OF PAUL STANLEY'S ONSTAGE BANTER (2006)
RATING: 10+
PLAY THESE: all
SKIP THESE: none
This bootleg CD is unbelievably funny. The guy who compiled this one must be a genius! Actually, I did think about creating something like this a while ago, but I was too lazy to actually seek out a bunch of lousy old bootleg KISS mp3's, and so I didn't. And the album cover - God Lord, almighty. Paul Stanley is a flaming homosexual. There's no doubt about it. That chest is iconic in 1970's New York City gay culture at its worst. What a fag! Nice thong, by the way....All of these soundbites are are soundboard recordings, so we get to hear the complete and utter retardedness of everything that comes out of Paul Stanley's mouth in good sound quality. Clocking in at over seventy minutes, it makes for some mighty entertaining listening material, and I can guarantee you won't press the skip button even once. Paul's scream is like a cross between Southern Preacher, gay Jewish New York cab driver, and Little Richard, and some of the things he says are stupid beyond George Dubya Bush's wildest dreams. Here's a sampling:
"I'm packing a gun tonight. I'm packing my pistol. Talkin' 'bout my six shooter of sex. Talkin' about my Uzi of OOZE!"
"How many girls like to get licked? How many guys like to get licked? You lick me I'll lick you."
Paul: "Here's Ace Frehley doing '2000 Man,' he might not be able to spell
it...but he can sing it."
Ace: : "Yeah thank you, Mr. Wonderful, Paul Stanley."
Paul introducing Calling Dr. Love: "My Goodness! Oh My GOOODness! We’re Gonna Have to Call Out the DOCTOR!"
"There is one city in America.....that I wrote a song about. There is one city in America that...took us in, opened up your arms and opened up your legs to us! And so that city, that city deserved a song.....Detroit Rock City"
"I wanna know, are there any PEE-PULL out there who like to get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? I said, are there any people out there who are hhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!?????"
"There's a lot of eee-vul PEE-PULL who hate the United States of America for the freedom and the wonderful life we have here! We will not be afraid of those PEE-PULL!!! The United States of America is the greatest country in the world, and we will fight for it!! There are PEE-PULL in the world who think we can stop us from enjoying ourselves. The way to stop those eeevul PEE-PULL is to smile, is to enjoy life, is to let freedom ring, and to let them know that there is no stopping America!!! This is the country that everyone else wants to be!!"
"I am the world's most flamboyantly gay performer! WHOOO!!!"
Well, OK, the last quote isn't real, but all of the other ones are. Plus, this CD only just scratches the surface of Paul's stupidity - the man is a living, breathing freakshow. His rant against Anti-Americanism (see above) is perhaps the most mentally challenged speech I have heard in my entire life. Nevertheless, listening to these aural snapshots of KISS history also makes the current state of the rock music all the more unbearable. An unforgettable character like Paul Stanley would never get a chance if he were an up-and-coming rocker in 2006 - he would be seen as a "risk," and he would just fade into obscurity. Paul Stanley is a relic of the golden age of rock 'n roll - the 1970's - where anything (and everything) was possible, and the sleazy sexual innuendos were part and parcel with rock music. Now, bands sing about how they feel so "down," and how bummed out they are. Rock music really sucks now. It's so generic, so predictable, so depressing. KISS never made great music but at least they played the role of rock stars - sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll were everywhere, and the songs were pretty catchy. Paul Stanley, you are a closet homosexual, but you're the best, man. And I mean that with all sincerity. Fag.
RATING: 5
PLAY THESE: LIVE TO WIN, LIFT, WAKE UP SCREAMING
SKIP THESE: nothing, really
The first Paul Stanley solo album in almost thirty years, Live To Win is an album so cheesy, so calculated that it comes across as borderline pathetic. Guess what, Paul? You're a fifty five-year-old closet queen with a broken hip and a bad facelift - you're not going to get a solo hit single, so stop making generic pop music and get back to writing some rock guitar riffs! Way too much gloss, my friend. Way too much gloss. It sounds like Paul has finally lost his lifelong struggle with his "inner gay," and released an album containing enough estrogen to kill a woman in her sixties. On the other hand, this album is precisely the kind of iTunes download that young female pop consumers would want to purchase. It is upbeat, catchy. and doesn't have too many guitars - in other words, a Kelly Clarkson song. And this isn't meant as a slander against Paul's songwriting abilities. Oh no, some of these songs would sound like potential number one hits in the hands of a Kelly Clarkson, a young former American Idol winner and proven star, as opposed to an old, irrelevant relic from the older generation who isn't exactly "cute" anymore. Perhaps Paul should move away from performing his songs as a "singer/songwriter" to being a faux-hard rock pop tunesmith who could pen hit singles for female pop stars like Avril Lavigne and the aforementioned Ms. Clarkson. Sure, his voice still sounds great, but Stanley is just way too old to pull off these songs convincingly.
These songs are quite well manufactured, I must say. Great guns, these songs are smashing good fun!!! Who could resist the pure pop zest of songs like 'Live To Win, with a chorus so big that Bon Jovi might even consider doing a cover of it. It is a catchy song, dude, honest to God. It's got that great "fake angst" thing that is so popular these days, and as such it would sound comfortable resting shoulder-to-shoulder with other Top 40 fare like Britney, X-Tina, and Beyoncee. There are other potential hits, like the brooding, almost-heavy 'Lift,' and 'Wake Up Screaming,' which sounds like it could could be a Foo Fighters song. There are even some ballads on this album that could conceivably sound like Top 10 hits with, say, Faith Hill's voice instead of Paul's ('Everywhere I See You Around.'). If Live To Win demonstrates anything, it is that Paul had better start offering up some of his new songs (and future collaborations with Desmond Child) to younger pop stars, rather than wasting them on his old wrinkly self. These songs are great for what they are - pop-rock without an edge. I don't dislike this music, truth be told, even if it is a bit lame.